First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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