idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
