when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize