too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
