me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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