I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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