He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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