you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
