I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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