somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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