Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
