I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
