she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
