There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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