How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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