Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
