I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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