We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
