i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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