I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
