Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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