Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Drake has all the answers
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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