That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
