dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
