I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can I color on your dick again?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
