I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
