ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
