He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
