so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
