Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
