i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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