youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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