its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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