how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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