If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
