Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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