Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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