The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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