I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
