Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
