i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
we're so committed to being not committed
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
