At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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