i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
