I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
