Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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