she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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