Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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