True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
