Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
