Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
