We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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