What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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