im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You are the jesus of drinking
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
