Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
