I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize