you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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