So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
