she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
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fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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