i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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