Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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