exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
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We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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