The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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