between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
