You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
