"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
