You can't motorboat a personality
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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