the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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