Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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