I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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