Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
