fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
