You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I will be naked everywhere
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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