Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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