You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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