i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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