I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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