I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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