i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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