I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
