My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
