K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
