Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
