hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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