we have officially mastered the walk of shame
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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