OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
